Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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