i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My cat gives me a boner
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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