Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
