Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need moral support for this bender
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
