We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
