he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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