apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
