You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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