i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
