what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
