In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Are we still banned from the library?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
