i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
