Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
