I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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