I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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