Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
