Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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