You're completely useless in the revolution.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
