Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
