i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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