Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
