I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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