IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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