So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
