Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
