Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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