Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
