You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
