Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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