wakey wakey hands off snakey
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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