people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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