I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Boobs are out for the taking
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
