I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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