You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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