How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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