i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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