There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
