I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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