1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
