Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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