My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
