How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
