I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
