he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
