I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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