I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
