and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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