My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
