So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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