babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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