found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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