the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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