My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
