So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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