At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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