Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
