just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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