Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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