i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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