there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
FUCK WHALES
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
