You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
