you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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